Today I was cursing in the car with some friends through a more rural side of my town and I noticed how beautiful the intense color green of the grass and leaves on the trees, and how the sun shined so softly on the blades of grass was so breathtaking, while also feeling the warmth from the light on my face, it just made me feel so comfortable, so thankful, and so very happy. Sometimes it’s the little things that make us truly happy and take us by surprise. I find lately I’ve been realizing or appreciating these small things of happiness, and I’m glad, I’m glad that I am not ignorant to the beauty of this world and Mother Nature. I can’t say I’ve been this happy, ever, and it’s something I will not take for granted or let slip away. I vow to always appreciate the little things in life because sometimes, those are most important.
Today I am picturing myself near the ocean, preferably Huntington Beach, California. I someday want to live on the West Coast, maybe not forever, but at least for a period of time, Mom would kill me, I think leaving home is something I worry greatly about, when I think about leaving my Mom and Dad and Brother behind it doesn’t really frighten me because I’m worried about myself, but more so them. When I left for Italy for three weeks it was strange being on my own at first, but after a few days, I loved it. Having my own place, going to school, and just being there with my own apartment really put things in perspective for me. I have ideas on how to get out to the west coast to start, but I’m afraid to leave my family behind, I feel that at first it would be hard for me and for them but after some time I would adjust but, I don’t know if they would.
Sometimes I blame them for my anxiety in terms of being on my own and having to do things by myself because they’ve always helped me, guided me, and did everything for the past twenty, almost twenty-one years of my life. My family and I are very attached to each other, so much that I fear that if I left, it would shift the family too much, it might break them. First things first, I need to visit out there first and get a feel for it and see if I could make it work and from there, create a plan of attack.
I feel like there is this big world I need to explore and see. Now that I’ve started my traveling I want more, I need more. I can’t stand idly while my life passes me by, ya dig?
Lately I’ve been on the motivation roller coaster that we all know too well. One day we are motivated to the point where we never think it will end and other days we are so down we believe there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I used to be that person who would stand in front of the mirror and cry because I was so unhappy with my appearance. Depression, my binge eating disorder, and my mood disorder used to control my self esteem and for forever it seemed that I would always hate how I looked and who I was.
Recently I had that sort of episode, I had a pity party for one and just cried because I said to myself, “I can’t believe I gained this weight, I can’t believe how I threw away all my progress…etc.” I was so upset and beside myself that I stuffed my face with food because that is all I knew. So, yes, I relapsed in reference to my binge eating disorder but I have risen from that. Although I haven’t binged since, I have been making very poor food choices and very minimal exercise.
My motivation now is my trip to Italy. I mean, that is what is was before but to be honest in my mind I was telling myself, “YOU NEED TO LOSE THIRTY POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS FOR YOUR TRIP LETS GO!” Even though I was “motivated” I was setting goals way too out of reach for myself. I want to lose weight before I go yes, but I don’t want to set unrealistic goals. If I lose ten, fifteen, twenty pounds, that is awesome but I am not telling myself that I HAVE to lose that weight. But I am telling myself now that I am GOING to lose weight, I am GOING to lose THAT weight in time. I do not intend on staying at my current weight which is about 153-155lbs. I haven’t weighed myself in a week because I know that I’ve been sloppy with my food choices but, I know that I need to do this for me. I need to lose this weight for not only my mentality but also for my health.
So here are my tips for myself and others to keep on track:
1) CLEAN YOUR ROOM! I know this is silly but if your room is clean and organized, you are in a better mindset a more positive one. After I write this post I am going to clean my room from top to bottom!
2) Don’t eat in front of the TV. This is so hard for me because that is all I do, but if you refrain from doing that you won’t be mindlessly eating and you will eat your portion not any more.
3) Track what you are eating whether it is with MyFitnessPal, FatSecret, or a journal, you should hold yourself accountable with what is going into your body and what exercise you are doing.
4) Exercise at least three days a week whether it is cardio, lifting weights, or walking your dog. Find something that is challenging, fun, and will torch calories! I like to checking out Self Magazine and Women’s Health Magazine’s websites, you can find SO many resources!
5) Don’t deprive yourself, if you love sweets, find something sweeter that can substitute your non healthy sweet!
Friend me on MyFitnessPal if you want and check out my food diary it is public (Username: PalmTreex) and I am on there every day posting, putting in my food, and being active on the community because that leads me to the sixth tip:
6) If you are on a social media type of weight loss community (i.e. MyFitnessPal) get involved on the message boards, make friends, and join the groups on there for motivation and guidance if you are new to losing weight! You can also have your own blog on there!
You can do anything you put your mind to, we all know that but it is easier said then done but we can do this!
In the midst of changing my job and finishing the semester, the countdown to Italy is now less then two months away. It is crazy to think that about a year ago I contacted Marcy interested in going, never really thinking it was going to go anywhere, but now I’m going to be embarking on a trip of a lifetime. Three weeks exploring Florence, Italy and other surrounding areas. Being in the Tuscany region of Italy is a dream come true for me. I remember watching Under the Tuscan Sun starring Diane Lane a few years ago and thinking, “Wow, Italy is so beautiful, especially Tuscany, I would love to go there!” Look at me now! I’m going to live out my dream of being Diane Lane! Just kidding, not so much the Diane Lane part but still exploring the most beautiful part of Italy!
Of course my anxiety is going through the roof, I’m thinking of losing weight (obviously), what I’ll bring, what I don’t have, what my apartment will look like, who I’ll room with in terms of the two other girls from another school in the U.S., and what I’ll do in my spare time! It is all so overwhelming but exciting, I’m finally breaking out of my shell it seems and really putting myself to the test this June because I’ll be living on my own, cooking for myself, and living an independent life sort of. I thank my parents for financially helping me to go on this trip of a lifetime because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be going. Lexi has helped me mentally as well, we’ve talked about how careful I have to be in terms of when I go out and the people I walk to and what necessities I will bring. She has also eased my mind too, I was worried about communication because Italy is six hours ahead of the United States but shes assured me that no matter what time or place we will talk. I know I’ll be home sick, that is just the kind of person I am, but I also know I’m going to be busy and learning so much!
I wish it was already June 7, but I know that when my parents drop me off it is going to be filled with tears, hugs, and kisses. I’m so thankful and blessed to have these beautiful people in my life, and I’m also thankful and grateful to be able to go on this trip.