“Hi I’m Jess, and I’m a Shopping Addict…”

Anyone who knows me knows I have a shopping addiction, and it has taken me a long time to admit to that, it is still hard to even say it now. Over the past two years I’ve accumulated quite a bit of credit card debt, and it has been a financial burden that has stressed me to no end recently. I decided to consolidate my credit in a positive way through my bank and I am proud of myself for taking a big girl step in the right direction. Being able to own up to your own mistakes is hard, especially when you don’t want to even admit to yourself that you screwed up, and I did, big time. Being this young and having this debt is something that I don’t want for the rest of my life, I don’t want it to be something that just continues to add up to the point where I drown in it. I took the initiative and applied for a VERY VERY VERY small loan, one that covers my debt and gives me some extra money to save for Ecuador! Although it is in fact a loan, it has a great rate and a short note so in a short amount of time I’ll be a debt free woman, it is just going to take time and commitment. I’m really proud of myself, something I don’t usually say or feel, but lately I’ve been giving myself props and acknowledging my own achievements rather than diminishing my small victories. 

I’m not really sure though when my shopping problem started, I’ve never been GREAT with my money but I would probably say that over the holidays is when it started to get bad, I wanted to give my family the best Christmas, I wanted to provide for them just like they have done for me my whole life, and from there it spiraled into buying monotonous things, things that I don’t even remember having. It is the thrill of buying, the thrill of opening something, sort of like Christmas day. It is just the excitement of having something new, and that feeling fades…quickly, but I’ve let myself become addicted to that feeling. So, now, saving for Ecuador and paying down my debt, I am challenging myself to break this addiction, and to prove to myself that I have grown and changed for the better. I am proud and determined, I know that when this is all over I’m going to smile and give myself a pat on the back because I’ll be able to say that I did this on my own. Especially when I’m boarding that plane to Ecuador, knowing I paid for it ALL on my own, that will be the most rewarding feeling of all. 

Is the semester over yet?

I feel like this semester has been dragging on the past two weeks. I’m exhausted all the time, skipping class, and not going all together. When I wake up, or try to rather, I just feel that I haven’t slept at all when I probably had a healthy range of sleep. It is really frustrating how tired I’ve been…I don’t know if it is because I get seasonal depression, or if I’m just ready to be rejuvenated with the coming of winter break. 

I’m also broke thanks to Christmas and my compulsive shopping problem. In the past two months I’ve racked up about thirteen hundred dollars. It is ridiculous, embarrassing, and stressful. I don’t know how to deal or help a shopping problem, it is tearing me a part and my wallet.

The end of the semester brings a shit ton of work and headaches and not to mention, stress acne. Lots and lots of stress acne. I just wanted to lay in my bed and watch Netflix all day. 

I feel like I’ve been slacking at work too. I work from home with my mom as an admin assistant and I do like my job but I feel like I slack and don’t do the best I can, yanno? It’s like this time of the year I have no motivation to do anything. I just want to snuggle by my electric fire and watch Christmas movies. I’m such a pain in my own ass.

 

‘Tis the season.