New Year’s Resolutions 

We all know this time of year very well. People start thinking of resolutions or goal for the new year to come.

For many, this goal is usually to lose weight. Gyms will start having their sign on specials, health websites will start having sales on supplement stacks, and fitness clothes will be all the new rage.

As for me, this has been my New Year’s Resolution as long as I can remember especially after a holiday season filled with so much food and pictures. Pictures that you see yourself in and think, “I just need to lose x amount of weight and I will be where I want to be, that picture is my motivation.”

I am going to tell you guys something very real about me. This morning, I went on Facebook and saw that my Mom had posted pictures from yesterday and saw myself in one. Mind you, I was wearing jeggings, an oversized sweater, and my hair was kind of messy (I sort of like it that way) but, when I looked at this photo I instantly thought, “I need to lose weight this coming year, I just can’t stand looking at myself in this picture.” After that thought had come and gone, I felt very disappointed in myself. Lately I have been working so hard on breaking away from “losing weight” mentality but, through this journey I have put my health on the back burner. Disclaimer: I do believe when breaking free from the dieting world it is essential to just let go and relax. If that means eating less nutritionally dense foods and skipping the gym, that is 100% okay! Some people need to do this to recover and this is what I did. However, due to this neglect when it came to my health these past few months, I have been extremely bloated and swollen due to the fact that I haven’t been getting hardly any fiber whatsoever and have really slacked on eating fruits and vegetables. I also haven’t been sweating out any of the toxins going into my body from eating some of these not-so nutritionally dense foods which at the time was okay (and still is of course!) but, I want to treat my body better.

So, here they are, my goals for 2016.

  • Eat more fiber: I need to get my digestive system back on track with proper health because I have Celiac Disease and if by chance I eat gluten, I need a healthy digestive system to help me get rid of it.
  • Sweat more: I don’t mean as in, “to count calories burned, etc..” but, so I can treat my body with respect and feel better mentally and physically, in the hopes that I can sleep better and wake up feeling more refreshed.
  • Do more yoga: I have been upping my yoga game a lot lately. I try to aim to do it at least two times a week but I would like to get to the 4-5 days a week seeing as the results have been incredible both mentally and physically and it has brought me so much happiness and peace.
  • Forgive myself more: You are your own worst critic in all aspects of life, especially if you are an ex-dieter you know this all too well. This year I really want to work on letting things go and not being so hard on myself all of the time. I need to remember that I am not a perfect human being because things happen, life throws obstacles in your way, and what counts is working to get past them, not beat yourself up about it.
  • Practice mindfulness: This is a huge goal of mine (also: none of these are in particular order) I am always rushing through life whether it be eating, driving, exploring, writing, and so many other things. I forget to appreciate the different sensations and my surroundings and I miss out. I want to see the world for what it is, I want to live in the present because the past is the past and the future hasn’t come yet.
  • Read more: This is my last goal but, I want to read more. Lately I have been making the effort to pick up a book rather than my Apple TV remote but, I want this effort to be much more significant in the new year.

It would be wrong of me to lie to you and say that losing weight didn’t cross my mind, of course it did! I’m an ex-dieter trying to find her way on this journey of self love and body acceptance but, I do want to treat my mind and body right because this is the only body I’ve got. I am happy that I have some goals not related to health because I find that this is an important step in diet recovery. When you have goals solely focused on health, it could appear that maybe subliminally your goals reflect the subconscious idea of losing weight and although those are not my intentions, I think it is important to point this out for those in diet recovery  trying to think of resolutions/goals for the new year.

When it comes to New Year’s Resolutions, don’t think too much on it. Close your eyes, envision yourself lets say…six months from now, where do you want to be? What goals could get you to the point? And choose those as your goals. For example, by practicing mindfulness, by six months I hope to not eat so quickly and truly enjoy my food, and to also drive slower seeing as I have a very long commute to work I always tend to drive like a maniac and I would like to slow the pace down and enjoy the views even if it is snow. Having an image of what you want your life to be can really help when choosing these resolutions. Meditate on it, I promise that with some stillness and relaxation, these goals will come to you.

Fate is a funny guy

I feel like life is one big roller coaster, sometimes were climbing up, anticipating what’s to come next, then flying back downward suddenly, and sometimes the bumps can be more intense than the ride before and how we handle it is what creates the outcome of the second ride, if that makes sense?

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly up and down, letting small things get in the way of my positivity, and expecting the worst when I should be looking up, allowing fate to take it’s course and that someday it will all make sense and lately it has been. Reflecting on past actions and feelings have really opened a lot in my mind in terms of moving forward on how to better my relationships with people. I know I can be manipulative, selfish, and defensive, this isn’t news to me, but realizing how to all plays into my life really shook me, in a good way though, I realized a lot, how my actions were stemmed from another time in my life, a time that I had no control in some matters, therefore leading me to be a controlling person even subconsciously. I know I have anxiety about what people think of me, or going to social gatherings I can sometimes have a panic attack, and I’ve done a lot in terms of holding myself back from experiencing life and I didn’t even realize that I was doing it, I didn’t realize how my anxiety and inner issues were changing how I was with my friends, family, and significant other and it took me awhile to realize it all and I’m in a good place to make a change, I’ve been changing for the better this entire summer and I’m proud of myself for that. I am grateful that I get another chance to make things right, even if they end up being different than I want them to be, at least I know that I’ve made peace with myself and those important to me.

When I say fate is funny, I mean that it literally takes you by surprise, one day you are this person, and the next you’re someone else and it can be frightening, exciting, and enlightening all at the same time. Although I am scared for what is to come, I am anticipating good things to come along whether they are what I expect, or not.

Saturday morning rambles

On my way home yesterday it was about six-thirty in the evening, and air was cool and crisp,it smelt like fall, that sort of damp mud that fumigates all the soccer fields this time of year and it made me feel comfortable, at home so to speak. Fall has always been my favorite season, I thought it was because that’s when my birthday is but it’s much more than that. All the activities, weather, and the way in which the sun rests on the foliage is what makes fall so beautiful, and enjoyable. Cool nights with sunny days, leaves falling, and cider drinking makes for an entertaining time of year and that moment on my way home yesterday made me appreciate the little things even more than I already do. That nostalgia of fall that comes at the end of each summer brings great happiness to me and also some sadness because summer is that time of year where school is out of session, the beach is packed, and chilling outside at a BBQ with an ice cold beer is what occupies many people’s weekends and vacations. However, the excitement of fall in my opinion, weighs out the sad ending of summer. 

I’ve been busy lately, last few days I’ve just worked, gone to the gym, sort of have a social life, and it feels like I just never stop and although sometimes that can be a good thing especially since I missed some work last week for being sick, it can be tiring. I can only imagine what my life is going to be like when school starts next week: school, work, gym and repeat and although those are all great things, I can see in the near future that I’m going to be a nana and take as much chill out time that I can on the weekends because I’m just going to be go go go Monday through Friday, and I’m okay with that. I don’t ALWAYS need something to do, just hanging by myself and having a Netflix binge sort of day is just as awesome, if not better than going out and doing something. I haven’t always been a homebody, I used to hate just sitting in my room and having nothing to do, being with friends 24/7 was something I did almost everyday, that’s how I lived my life for a long time and then, that 24/7 thing started early on with my relationships in high school and it drained me emotionally. That is why I vowed to myself that I will enjoy my alone time and the quiet each night, and when I do decide to be in a relationship again I’m going to take my time, and make sure I have time to myself often. I guess you could say I’m being a little selfish, but that’s okay by me, sometimes in life we have to be a little selfish. 

I want to take more photos, I want to find a really beautiful place that I can just sit on a blanket in the grass and take beautiful photos. Somewhere really green, and the air smells crisp and fresh, where the clouds are bright white and the sky is baby blue, that is what I want to capture with my camera. I got my nifty fifty but I’m scared to use it, I don’t want to screw it up or look like a fool but I’ll never know until I fool around with it I guess. I’m excited to take my photography class, even though I’ve heard that the professor can be questionable, I’ll make sure to be a pain in the ass and ask a lot of questions so I know that I am on top of the game, I am determined to get my 4.0 back this semester or maintain my 3.8 GPA, I’m pretty proud of myself for that, in high school I was always that 3.3 GPA student, not awful whatsoever, but not on top I was never in the higher percentage of my class because lets face it, I sucked at math, chemistry, and all the other logic brain classes that everyone else succeeded at, I excelled at writing, and history, because those classes interested me, but in college, I’ve done well for myself, proved that no amount of ADD can hold me back because I WILL rise above every obstacle and punch it in the face. Being a good student and making my family and myself proud is an accomplishment that can never be topped in my book. 

Speaking of book, I haven’t started my preliminary outline yet, I’m a bad girl. I’ve been meaning to do it but each time I sit down to start my brain is mush and the writers block begins, I think I’m just going to start by writing (physically writing) down my ideas for my novel, names I like, places that will influence the setting, and facts about each thing that can help me create an accurate description or story line. I’m excited for this, it definitely will take some time and I probably won’t ever have it published, but just to be able to sat, “I wrote a novel” would be pretty freaking cool if you ask me. 

I want to promote my blog I think too, not that I write great stuff on here besides my typical rambles but I know I have quite a few followers now (thanks guys!) that read my stuff usually every day, but I wouldn’t mind sharing these posts with other people. 

Well, I think this concludes my post for today, have to get back to the real world, till then my friends!