No Motivation

I find it frustrating how up and down my motivation is. I guess that is normal and many people can relate to that idea but lately I’ve been slacking in terms of going to the gym and when I do go I’ll do some cardio for a half an hour and get tired and leave. That is SO not like me AT ALL. I am that person who wants to push and get pushed in a workout. I think because I’m dealing with getting ready for my trip I’ve been exhausted, literally, I’m so tired and all out of my wits. I’m barely eating during the day and then when I get home Lexi and I go out or whatever. I mean, in the big scheme of things I’m not putting on weight at all because I’m doing this but it is SO unhealthy! I usually LOVE waking up hungry and making something to eat but lately it is like I’m not hungry until it is six o’clock at night and even then it is a struggle.

I seriously think it is stress and anxiety that is making me not hungry at all and unmotivated because I’m not eating as much my energy is super low. I hate it, I absolutely hate living this way, so unhealthy! I know this all too that is the sad thing, I know that I should be eating more often and not waiting till the end of the day because that is where the binge monster lives, the binge monster likes to come out and play at that time because it knows that it can scare me and win.

I need to find a solution to my problem.

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Whole30 failure, not really a failure but a realization.

Hey all,

As you all know I’ve been doing the Whole30 this past week. I failed miserably but I do not look at myself as a failure or that I failed. It was a trial with some error and I just figured out that Paleo wasn’t for me. Figuring out what works best for you takes time, sure, I’m a little dissappointed because I’ve heard of great results from it but, I’m not going to put all of my eggs in one basket. Howevever, in my opinon when it comes to losing weight, you need to keep track of what you eat. I am not a fan of counting calories but I am a somewhat fan of counting macronutrients (carbohydrates, protein, and fat).

For awhile I was against counting anything, probably because I wasn’t educated much on it. However, I’ve been reading and learning and I knew that for me anyway I have to count SOMETHING in order to keep myself and eating in check. I knew that calories was out of the question primarily because it can be obsessive, especially for someone who has an eating disorder. For weight loss or fat loss, your protein should NOT be 1g per body weight! That is typically used for bulking or maintaing. For weight loss/fat loss it should be .8g per body weight so for me, (I am not a registered dietician or fitness professional, this information is from my own research and knowledge) I’m 153lbs my protein intake should be 120g per day. I get this through lean meats, protein powders, peanut butter in moderation, and light cheese sticks which also help with my fat intake.

On a reflective note, because I felt restricted and out of control (not like WOAHHHH out of control but like, I couldn’t choose what I wanted to eat or, I couldn’t eat a light cheese stick or a rice cake if I wanted because it was a grain or dairy) but anyways, I threw my hands up the other night at Friendly’s because I was hungry, just got out of a workout, and felt restricted so I got loaded waffles fries, mini cheesebruger sliders, mozzarella sticks, (create your own munchie mania always gets me, damn you Friendly’s Resturants!), and a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Friendz. It was all so delicious and it filled my belly but I paid for it and still am. So, I took a step back and restarted my Whole30, then yesterday I piged out on chocolate chips, peanut butter, and potato chips because I felt like I was restricting myself.

This is why I cannot follow meal plans, or strict guidelines or a fad diet. I need to be in charge of what goes in and out of my mouth because that creates triggering feelings in referene to my eating disorder if I don’t contrust my own meal plans and guidelines. Call me a control freak but making your own success makes it all worth it. I’m not ashamed that I didn’t finish the Whole30, I learned a lot in terms of good foods, bad foods, and everything in between. I take it as a learning experience and it just reassured me that a Paleo lifestyle isn’t for me and that is okay! I’m still going to train hard, eat good, and feel good because I know I’m doing what is best for me.

Chicken Noodle Soup and Lifting

I’m sitting here at work eating my chicken noodle soup and devising a work out plan for my session tonight at the gym.

I see all of these women jacked and lean by lifting weights. I’ve read Bee Rules of Lifting for Women but I’ve yet to actually grasp the lifting routines. I get that you use heavier weights and less reps but how many sets do I do? I still want to do cardio so do I do that also?

Exercise has always been a mind rattling concept that I always have to have a plan for.

This chicken noodle soup is really good though, and the weather is perfect so I guess I can’t really complain right? I’ve been trying to look on the bright side more often and just accept my flaws and accept the things I can’t change. Like the serenity prayer says “Accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.” I think that’s how it goes…

If any female bloggers read this and lift I’d really appreciate some insight! And for those of you just perusing through WordPress, you’re awesome and keep being you.