And so it begins…

Our plans to go hiking today fell apart because my car decided to fall a part last night, I was looking forward to cleansing my mind and now I’m stuck in my house with nothing to do. All I want to do is just take all this bullshit out of my head and relax and not worry about what life is going to throw at me next. I’ve been doing well at avoiding that idea, the idea that life purposely throws shit at me but today I’m in one of those moods and mindsets, but it is okay because everyone gets down in the dumps, I know it is normal, I’m just bummed I can’t go hiking today, but that won’t stop be from writing or taking pictures, even if they are all of my dog.

Jer wants me to watch this video that goes along with my Nikon D3200, maybe I’ll watch that so I can learn more about my camera and please him. I should probably take notes too because my mind tends to wander and forget, but I think because I am very interested in photography and connect with it, my attention span should be on point, if it was about math though, my attention would be out of the window.

If Dad lets me borrow the truck, maybe I’ll hit the gym tomorrow if my car isn’t done for tomorrow. I think that would really benefit me and my mindset, get me out of this rut. I am determined to have a good and productive weekend, maybe I’ll douche my room and go through all the clutter, maybe move some furniture around, that always makes me happy.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to all of you who have left such kind comments on my blog since I started it over a year ago, it truly touches my heart to know that y’all care about what I have to say and have almost grown with me, thank you again, so much.

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I’ve been slacking

cropped-10527382_10203597930764576_7407363280461364714_n.jpgThe past week I’ve been dragging ass in reference to taking pictures. I wake up, go to the gym or work, then come home and either go out or stay in. I’m mad at myself, kind of like, dude…you enjoy taking pictures so, why aren’t you taking them? Same with writing, I’ve been slacking with my journal too and the first or second post I did on my blog after my trip was to write daily and take pictures. HELLO JESS! You can say how you want to do all of these things but, you actually HAVE to do them! 

I’m such a goober sometimes, I have all these hopes and dreams and then I get lazy, so lazy. Tomorrow I’m hiking Mount Major with Jese and I’m bringing my damn camera and taking an obnoxious amount of pictures because that is what I enjoy doing. I don’t want to get stale in terms of my creativity, I don’t want to fall back into this life where I wake up, work, and go to bed. No, life has so much more to offer than that. I need to capture it’s beauty through the lens and write how it has affected me in my journal, or let it inspire a poem or short story, something to get my artistic juices flowing.

I miss Italy where everything was so beautiful, and capturing it made it much more exciting, whether it was taking a picture or taking in my surroundings and writing, I felt so relaxed and at peace with myself. Here it’s hard with all the commotion and distractions such as work and other priorities, but hobbies and things such as photography and writing have to be priorities as well, especially since they give me such happiness.

I’ve somewhat gotten back in the gym since I’ve been back, even though I was sick I still pushed through and kicked butt because I know how happy it makes me. Since I haven’t been sleeping well I’ve been choosing sleep over the gym but I am one hundred percent okay with that because I need sleep to function! Also, I’ve been doing pretty well with eating too so I’m confident that I’m on the right track and tomorrow’s hike will be a bunch of fun and challenging. I look forward to mentally and physically pushing myself because sometimes that is what you need to rise above all the outside bullshit, and the bullshit in your own mind. 

 

What now?

Since I’ve been home, many people have asked me how did Italy change you? Do you feel like you’ve found yourself? What are your plans now? Well, to be honest, I don’t have a plan. I have ideas, goals, and a more positive outlook but not so much a plan. 

Things I want to do:

Take pictures

Hike

Continue writing every day

Those three things are what will continue to motivate and inspire me. I find that I can express and challenge myself through those things, being one with nature is something that I’ve always known but until going to Italy and hiking Cinque Terre and experiencing the rustic side to Tuscany, I didn’t know how much of an impact it actually has. 

I find myself reflecting a lot on Thoreau’s Walden, although I’ve read it through and through, I’m reading it once more to really connect with it. Reading it again is allowing myself to experience Walden from a more grounded point of view. This summer I want to visit Walden Pond and see where Thoreau spent his time and where he found himself, partially anyway. 

I think this summer is a lot about soul searching as Italy was, I have these ideas and wants that I know could help fulfill myself. I want to continue these plans because I receive happiness from it, I’m happy because I am doing it for myself, not because someone else is doing it for me. Never did I think that I would be happy without a plan or guidance, but I am.

I’ve come a long way, those of you who have read my posts from the start know that. You all know my struggles and understand where I’ve come from. It makes me happy that I’ve risen above the negativity in my life and that I’ve bettered myself. Although it has been a bumpy road, I know that I’ve succeeded.