Today, I am grateful.

I woke up today groggy, since I haven’t been sleeping well, sort of on the wrong side of the bed and dreading the day ahead. My alarm kept going off, followed by me pressing the snooze button, I was awake, but too lazy to turn off the alarm and too lazy to expose my skin to the cold air in my room, given off by my AC. I have to be at work for 12:30pm, I look at the clock at it’s 11:00am, knowing I have to leave at 12pm to give myself some time to park, walk a half a block, and set up my station, I know I should get up. 

“I’m not ready” I tell myself, I don’t want to start this day, I don’t want to shower, do my makeup, and get dressed for work, I don’t want to be a big girl, all I want to do is lay in bed and dwell in my own negativity. Sometimes I don’t know why I wake up with that cloud over my head, or why I can’t just put a smile on and make that day an awesome one, I know I promote happiness and looking on the bright-side, but I can’t help but feel that sometimes my own doubt and moodiness changes that optimistic girl into a glass half empty human being. So, I finally get out of bed after fighting with myself for fifteen minutes, I play some Johnny Cash while I take my morning shower, he always brightens my mood, his music from the beginning of his career, right to the end lightens my heart every time. I planned my outfit the night before, royal blue, three quarter length sleeve, button up shirt with my black dress pants and silver flats. Sometimes when I dress up for work (like I always do) and really do my make up nicely, and wear jewelry I always feel a little better, making yourself feel good on the outside really helps you feel good on the inside. I’ve realized that no one can truly get me out of these ruts but myself. Sure, my mom told me how lovely I looked today which is always nice to hear, I told myself how beautiful I looked too, something I didn’t always do before, but I appreciate my personal beauty, not in a conceded way but more of a self love and appreciation, rather than self hate. 

My drive to work can range between fifteen minutes to twenty since I typically drive in the early afternoon and most people are in work so I cruise, listen to some good music. I turned on “Happy” by Pharrell Williams, I know, most people can’t stand this song because, who writes a song about being happy? Well, this song ALWAYS puts me in a good mood, the beat is such a go-getter rhythm, and the lyrics to me refer to the idea that being happy means forgetting about the outside world, forgetting about the negativity that will always be around you whether you like it or not, and making the best out of the situation and rather than dwell on all the bad things, let go and just be happy. I know it is kind of lame to think of music like that, but I over-analyze everything whether it is pictures, music, writing, movies, tv, literally everything, but I enjoy that about myself, I enjoy that I over think because it allows me to dig deeper, past the surface, and down to the nitty-gritty. I know I tend to ramble when I post, so let me get back on track…

On my way to work I am listening to good jams and enjoying the sunshine while also appreciating the cold AC in my car, I arrive to work early and start putting together my station for the afternoon and evening, talking to my assistant manager and just realizing how lucky I am. A lot of people my age in their late teens and early twenties have jobs where they have to work a ton of hours, or work every weekend and holiday. You could consider these jobs to be ones that most people wouldn’t claim to be their profession or dream job, but more or less to get them through college or a rough patch, primarily food service and retail. I’ve worked briefly in both and I can testify to the fact that these jobs diminish you mentally and physically. They are demanding, time consuming, and under paid and appreciated, I respect those who work for these companies, I do, because I know I couldn’t. 

I go to school full time, granted I commute, but my bosses make it a point to work with my schedule the best they can. Sure, I might be speeding from school to work but I make it work because if they take the time to put the schedule together and accommodate my classes, then I can bring my work clothes to school and change there, or, I can make sure I park closer to my class so I can leave promptly. I am so grateful that I work for this company, I am so thankful that I have this sort of “big girl” job, that I get paid vacations, paid holidays if I am scheduled for that day, and rarely work weekends, and when I do, it is for about four hours and I’m out by noon time. Obviously when I have to literally get up and go to work I’m miserable because I’m such a hermit and love laying in my bed, but once I get up and going and I’m working with my customers, I remind myself how much I love working here, how much I love making my customers happy and feel appreciated. 

Also, this company promotes equality in all forms: gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, you name it! My father works for the same company, were not in the same department or building so we don’t have to worry about nepotism, but my father is originally from Wales, he is not a U.S. citizen and has served in both the U.S. Army and Air Force. He knows more about American History than most American citizens I know, and our company is literally paying for him to apply for his citizenship, that in itself can be over a thousand dollars to get and all he has to do is pay I think, the application fee. He is so happy and I am so proud of him, and proud to work for a company that takes care of their own.

Again I am rambling, but I guess in the big scheme of things I woke up in a bad mood, I legitimately put myself in that bad mood and I was mad at myself for being in that mood, making it worse. I’m proud of myself that I overcame it and realized the good in my life and how lucky I am. I have an incredible job, a loving family, supportive friends, and so much more. Sometimes it takes one good thing like my job, to remind me of ALL of the things in my life I am grateful for, I have come a long way from my dark days, back then I would have let myself sit in that awful mood all day, I would’ve maybe even embraced it, but not now. No, I will never let myself sit in a puddle of self pitty and sadness, I will remind myself of the beautiful world around me, even if it takes some time, it will happen because the benefit of feeling good about yourself and life is a beautiful thing.