“Hi I’m Jess, and I’m a Shopping Addict…”

Anyone who knows me knows I have a shopping addiction, and it has taken me a long time to admit to that, it is still hard to even say it now. Over the past two years I’ve accumulated quite a bit of credit card debt, and it has been a financial burden that has stressed me to no end recently. I decided to consolidate my credit in a positive way through my bank and I am proud of myself for taking a big girl step in the right direction. Being able to own up to your own mistakes is hard, especially when you don’t want to even admit to yourself that you screwed up, and I did, big time. Being this young and having this debt is something that I don’t want for the rest of my life, I don’t want it to be something that just continues to add up to the point where I drown in it. I took the initiative and applied for a VERY VERY VERY small loan, one that covers my debt and gives me some extra money to save for Ecuador! Although it is in fact a loan, it has a great rate and a short note so in a short amount of time I’ll be a debt free woman, it is just going to take time and commitment. I’m really proud of myself, something I don’t usually say or feel, but lately I’ve been giving myself props and acknowledging my own achievements rather than diminishing my small victories. 

I’m not really sure though when my shopping problem started, I’ve never been GREAT with my money but I would probably say that over the holidays is when it started to get bad, I wanted to give my family the best Christmas, I wanted to provide for them just like they have done for me my whole life, and from there it spiraled into buying monotonous things, things that I don’t even remember having. It is the thrill of buying, the thrill of opening something, sort of like Christmas day. It is just the excitement of having something new, and that feeling fades…quickly, but I’ve let myself become addicted to that feeling. So, now, saving for Ecuador and paying down my debt, I am challenging myself to break this addiction, and to prove to myself that I have grown and changed for the better. I am proud and determined, I know that when this is all over I’m going to smile and give myself a pat on the back because I’ll be able to say that I did this on my own. Especially when I’m boarding that plane to Ecuador, knowing I paid for it ALL on my own, that will be the most rewarding feeling of all. 

Johnny Cash

I’m sitting here at work listening to my Johnny Cash Pandora station and just reflecting on life. I have many plans and goals ahead of me, ones that I need to stick to and make damn sure that I don’t fall off track. I have to save a great deal of money while also paying my numerous bills, I know there will be times where I will say this isn’t worth it, or I just want those damn workout pants that are on sale online, but I know that if I stay consistent with my goals and budget, I’ll be able to go on another trip to another beautiful place, I’ll pay down my credit card debt, and I’ll lose weight because I won’t be eating out as much or spending my money on stupid junk food. 

Life has really changed me, I like the person I am, truly. Each day I reflect on where I’ve been in life and how fortunate I am to have the life that I do. I am truly happy and motivated to do great things and explore this world around me. I am also grateful to have such great friends, last night, Tarah helped me budget and set up how much I need to save each month (which is a lot…) in order to go to Ecuador next summer and although I’m going to be stressed and upset at some points during this mental journey, I’ll develop better spending habits, and achieve an awesome task of actually paying for this trip in full, all by myself with my OWN money. Although I am MORE than grateful for my parents taking out a loan for my trip to Italy, being able to pay for Ecuador myself will definitely be a self esteem booster and something I can look back on and say yeah…I did that all on my own. Granted, I haven’t had the best record with spending and especially credit cards, but I am confident that I can do this, I just need to remind myself of the end result which is exploring and traveling, and doing what I love. 

I love Johnny Cash, his music always grounds me and brings me back to a good place in my mind, his music is so soothing and raw, especially his newer songs and covers that are known in the American albums, Desperado, Hurt, and I Don’t Hurt Anymore are some of my most favorite covers/songs that he released, so full of emotion, I’m thankful that I enjoy classic music artists such as him.