When I think about winter I think about how dark, cold, and snowy it gets. How the days get shorter and the nights seem to take control of our lives for a while. Many people such as myself take on a seasonal depression, feeling trapped inside and never really enjoying the outside because of how frigid it can be. I’m trying to have a new outlook on winter this year though. Rather than seeing myself as trapped I’m going to take this winter and transform myself mentally and physically.
Mentally I am going to focus on really being in tune with my thoughts and feelings, writing more and coloring in my anxiety books, and really focusing on understanding who I am. I feel like for so long I have neglected the fact that I don’t fully understand my mental health or what has brought me to this point in my life. My anxiety has never been this bad up until this year I would say. This past year I have realized just how crippling my anxiety is and how my panic attacks really and truly affect myself and the ones I love. I am hoping that through writing, coloring, and meditating that I can really go within myself and start to dissect my past and finally let go and move on.
Physically I am going to exercise and fuel my body. Not only will working out better my mindset and release those much needed endorphins, but it’ll help me continue to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve come a long way from the young woman who used to restrict food and over exercise and I am happy to say that I love who and what I am now and now that I do, I am ready to really take care of my body. When the summer comes, I will strip away the wintery layers and show what I’ve accomplished and I cannot wait to reflect on all that I’ve learned about myself.
Loving yourself and committing to self-healing isn’t easy. Some days I don’t want to deal with my emotions and some days I really think that my jeans make me look fat, but I am human. Sometimes we forget that we won’t always have a positive outlook and that the little voice in our heads will get us down from time to time but, what matters is getting back up and continuing the fight to being a healthier and happier person.
I have learned so much since I started this blog back in 2013. When I first started here on WordPress I was a miserable human being. Drowning in my own depression and letting my eating disorder and body dysmorphia rule my life. Some days I still feel like that young girl just trying to find her way but, I know better and I am better. We constantly grow as human beings, always learning from what we do or don’t do, and becoming wiser as the years pass and it’s a beautiful thing to look back and see how we have flourished. Lately I’ve been pretty down and out, but when I look back and see the road I’ve walked on, I know that no matter what comes my way I’ll do the best that I can and learn what I can.