We have a lot of history you and I. The amount of things we have been through together and the memories we have made are endless. I am your vessel, your rock, the body that keeps you warm and the weapon that fights against external forces trying to sabotage you and what we have done together. However, these past ten years or so, you haven’t treated me the way I desire to be treated. You have restricted me from eating delicious foods, you have overworked me endlessly making me sweat and ache rather than appreciate me through enjoyable movement, sometimes you have given me so little to eat but, then make me eat way too much at one time making us both very sick. You have disconnected from me and I miss you. I miss the way we could flow together and understand each other. You haven’t listened to me or my wisdom in quite some time and I was afraid that you would never come back. I know lately you have been trying to let go of all of the things that made you feel so worthless and ugly and all of the pain you have held on to for so long. I am elated to see and feel this progress and that you are finally starting to see the beautiful person that you truly are, I have been waiting.
I knew you could do it, I knew that you could rise above the abusive cycle of dieting, restricting, bingeing, and beating yourself up through shame and guilt. I know you are still in pain, and that with letting go of the only ‘control’ you have had these past ten years is bringing up a lot of mixed emotions but look at you! You have come so far and I am so proud. As your body and friend I beg you to not look back. Do not go back to those restrictive and hurtful ways. These past few months of true recovery have made me feel so much better. I don’t hurt as much as I did, and I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to go back to those nights of bingeing or those moments where I felt your struggle on deciding what to eat to fit your ‘diet’. Not only do I want to feel good but, I want you to feel good too. I can feel this weight slowly lifting off your shoulders. I have sensed your pleasure in eating tasty treats and that the guilt you used to feel slowly being erased and I couldn’t be happier. I as your body, never ever want you to feel guilty about feeding me whether it be sweets, a salad, or chips, you CHOOSE what you want and I want you to enjoy the fuck out of it because you deserve to enjoy anything and everything that you get to experience in life.
I want us to be close. I want us to be connected and to be one again. I want you to listen to me when I am telling you I am hungry or full. I want you to try new things and taste all sorts of food. We can do this together you and I. We don’t have to be enemies anymore because all I was trying to do the past decade was protect you from the harmful things you were doing. I never wanted you to hate me, I never wanted you to look in the mirror and say hurtful things about me because I love you. I love you so much. I am curvy to keep you warm, I am muscular to keep your strong, and I am flexible to keep you balanced. I promise that whatever I do is for YOU. I know you better than you know yourself. The first step for us to get close again is for you to trust me. Believe that I know what I am doing because I do. I am your body, I am your vessel, and I am your rock. I vow to always love you but, I need you to love me too.
You are on such a powerful journey Jess. You are discovering so many wonderful things about yourself and the world around you. I can feel the happiness swell inside of us and this is the first time in a long time that I have felt at peace. Thank you for taking these steps to bettering your outlook on you and I. We are a team and I will always be here for you.