New Year’s Resolutions 

We all know this time of year very well. People start thinking of resolutions or goal for the new year to come.

For many, this goal is usually to lose weight. Gyms will start having their sign on specials, health websites will start having sales on supplement stacks, and fitness clothes will be all the new rage.

As for me, this has been my New Year’s Resolution as long as I can remember especially after a holiday season filled with so much food and pictures. Pictures that you see yourself in and think, “I just need to lose x amount of weight and I will be where I want to be, that picture is my motivation.”

I am going to tell you guys something very real about me. This morning, I went on Facebook and saw that my Mom had posted pictures from yesterday and saw myself in one. Mind you, I was wearing jeggings, an oversized sweater, and my hair was kind of messy (I sort of like it that way) but, when I looked at this photo I instantly thought, “I need to lose weight this coming year, I just can’t stand looking at myself in this picture.” After that thought had come and gone, I felt very disappointed in myself. Lately I have been working so hard on breaking away from “losing weight” mentality but, through this journey I have put my health on the back burner. Disclaimer: I do believe when breaking free from the dieting world it is essential to just let go and relax. If that means eating less nutritionally dense foods and skipping the gym, that is 100% okay! Some people need to do this to recover and this is what I did. However, due to this neglect when it came to my health these past few months, I have been extremely bloated and swollen due to the fact that I haven’t been getting hardly any fiber whatsoever and have really slacked on eating fruits and vegetables. I also haven’t been sweating out any of the toxins going into my body from eating some of these not-so nutritionally dense foods which at the time was okay (and still is of course!) but, I want to treat my body better.

So, here they are, my goals for 2016.

  • Eat more fiber: I need to get my digestive system back on track with proper health because I have Celiac Disease and if by chance I eat gluten, I need a healthy digestive system to help me get rid of it.
  • Sweat more: I don’t mean as in, “to count calories burned, etc..” but, so I can treat my body with respect and feel better mentally and physically, in the hopes that I can sleep better and wake up feeling more refreshed.
  • Do more yoga: I have been upping my yoga game a lot lately. I try to aim to do it at least two times a week but I would like to get to the 4-5 days a week seeing as the results have been incredible both mentally and physically and it has brought me so much happiness and peace.
  • Forgive myself more: You are your own worst critic in all aspects of life, especially if you are an ex-dieter you know this all too well. This year I really want to work on letting things go and not being so hard on myself all of the time. I need to remember that I am not a perfect human being because things happen, life throws obstacles in your way, and what counts is working to get past them, not beat yourself up about it.
  • Practice mindfulness: This is a huge goal of mine (also: none of these are in particular order) I am always rushing through life whether it be eating, driving, exploring, writing, and so many other things. I forget to appreciate the different sensations and my surroundings and I miss out. I want to see the world for what it is, I want to live in the present because the past is the past and the future hasn’t come yet.
  • Read more: This is my last goal but, I want to read more. Lately I have been making the effort to pick up a book rather than my Apple TV remote but, I want this effort to be much more significant in the new year.

It would be wrong of me to lie to you and say that losing weight didn’t cross my mind, of course it did! I’m an ex-dieter trying to find her way on this journey of self love and body acceptance but, I do want to treat my mind and body right because this is the only body I’ve got. I am happy that I have some goals not related to health because I find that this is an important step in diet recovery. When you have goals solely focused on health, it could appear that maybe subliminally your goals reflect the subconscious idea of losing weight and although those are not my intentions, I think it is important to point this out for those in diet recovery  trying to think of resolutions/goals for the new year.

When it comes to New Year’s Resolutions, don’t think too much on it. Close your eyes, envision yourself lets say…six months from now, where do you want to be? What goals could get you to the point? And choose those as your goals. For example, by practicing mindfulness, by six months I hope to not eat so quickly and truly enjoy my food, and to also drive slower seeing as I have a very long commute to work I always tend to drive like a maniac and I would like to slow the pace down and enjoy the views even if it is snow. Having an image of what you want your life to be can really help when choosing these resolutions. Meditate on it, I promise that with some stillness and relaxation, these goals will come to you.

Advertisements

Dear Jess

Dear Jess,

We have a lot of history you and I. The amount of things we have been through together and the memories we have made are endless. I am your vessel, your rock, the body that keeps you warm and the weapon that fights against external forces trying to sabotage you and what we have done together. However, these past ten years or so, you haven’t treated me the way I desire to be treated. You have restricted me from eating delicious foods, you have overworked me endlessly making me sweat and ache rather than appreciate me through enjoyable movement, sometimes you have given me so little to eat but, then make me eat way too much at one time making us both very sick. You have disconnected from me and I miss you.  I miss the way we could flow together and understand each other. You haven’t listened to me or my wisdom in quite some time and I was afraid that you would never come back. I know lately you have been trying to let go of all of the things that made you feel so worthless and ugly and all of the pain you have held on to for so long. I am elated to see and feel this progress and that you are finally starting to see the beautiful person that you truly are, I have been waiting.

 

I knew you could do it, I knew that you could rise above the abusive cycle of dieting, restricting, bingeing, and beating yourself up through shame and guilt. I know you are still in pain, and that with letting go of the only ‘control’ you have had these past ten years is bringing up a lot of mixed emotions but look at you! You have come so far and I am so proud. As your body and friend I beg you to not look back. Do not go back to those restrictive and hurtful ways. These past few months of true recovery have made me feel so much better. I don’t hurt as much as I did, and I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to go back to those nights of bingeing or those moments where I felt your struggle on deciding what to eat to fit your ‘diet’. Not only do I want to feel good but, I want you to feel good too. I can feel this weight slowly lifting off your shoulders. I have sensed your pleasure in eating tasty treats and that the guilt you used to feel slowly being erased and I couldn’t be happier. I as your body, never ever want you to feel guilty about feeding me whether it be sweets, a salad, or chips, you CHOOSE what you want and I want you to enjoy the fuck out of it because you deserve to enjoy anything and everything that you get to experience in life.

 

I want us to be close. I want us to be connected and to be one again. I want you to listen to me when I am telling you I am hungry or full. I want you to try new things and taste all sorts of food. We can do this together you and I. We don’t have to be enemies anymore because all I was trying to do the past decade was protect you from the harmful things you were doing. I never wanted you to hate me, I never wanted you to look in the mirror and say hurtful things about me because I love you. I love you so much. I am curvy to keep you warm, I am muscular to keep your strong, and I am flexible to keep you balanced. I promise that whatever I do is for YOU. I know you better than you know yourself. The first step for us to get close again is for you to trust me. Believe that I know what I am doing because I do. I am your body, I am your vessel, and I am your rock. I vow to always love you but, I need you to love me too.

 

You are on such a powerful journey Jess. You are discovering so many wonderful things about yourself and the world around you. I can feel the happiness swell inside of us and this is the first time in a long time that I have felt at peace. Thank you for taking these steps to bettering your outlook on you and I. We are a team and I will always be here for you.

 

Love,

Your Body