One evening about two weeks ago my Dad and I had a nice long evening chat about my photography and art. My parents have always been supportive of my forever changing hobbies but photography and painting are here to stay and they can see that. As were sitting face to face and babbling about some of my pictures he looks at me and says, “You know, you take great pictures. If you applied yourself you could work for National Geographic or TIME magazine. With your communications degree you could do photo journalism because you have a talent for writing too.” It felt great to hear that from my Dad. I’m always so hard on myself when it comes to my art work because I am a perfectionist, always striving for more. I never really thought about pursuing a career solely in photography or photo journalism because I don’t see it being a reality. I would love to make a significant amount of money doing what I love and being able to travel the world but, is it realistic? Could it actually happen? I don’t know. I’m sure if I applied myself and put my work out there I could get some well paying gigs but I’m not sure if it is something I could make a living on. I know I don’t give myself enough credit and that I usually settle for the easy way out because I’ve never been a competitor. My anxiety likes to tell me I’m not good enough and that others will outshine my work, and although that could be true, I’ll never know unless I try.
I don’t know. The idea of what the future will or wont bring is scary. It is scary to not know where my life will be in ten years. I don’t want to be miserable or look back on my life and regret not reaching for the stars, but in the same breath I am always standing in my own way. I do that because I am guarded and do not want myself to get hurt or disappointed. I know that I can take great photos and have an artistic flare but what can I make of it? I have so many plans such as my novel and creating an Etsy account to sell my paintings but my ADD likes to screw with my plans, motivation, and I tend to fall off track and become unorganized and therefore depressed. I really want to start dedicating time to writing, painting, and promoting my business but I can only do so much while I work and go to school. However, those who are proactive and stay motivated are the ones who succeed and find happiness in their victories so to speak in my opinion.
In 2015 I want to start giving myself more credit and being more positive when reviewing my work. I can’t keep bashing my ideas and dreams or fall short with a project because I don’t take the time to go the extra mile. Sitting around watching Netflix never really got anyone far, even though it is my favorite pastime, If I am to make a name for myself I need to be more proactive. 2015 will be my best year I can feel it. I know that if I make these changes to be more organized and set these goals to achieve then I will be the happiest I’ve ever been. I am happy now of course, and have been making great strides in my life in regards to my physical health and mentality, but I need to do more. Next semester is my last one at NECC and I’ll be taking a math class (ugh) and will be super busy but I can’t forget about the things in life that make me happy. I am so thankful that I have this drive burning inside me, I want to push past my anxiety and put myself out there and whether or not I make it to be big or what have you, I’ll be grateful that I made the positive strides.
I’ve been getting so much support lately too from my family, friends, and Shamus as well. Each and every one of them encourages me to try new things and put my name and talents out for the world to see. I can’t describe to you the feeling I have when I reflect on that, knowing that I have all of these wonderful people in my corner is such an incredible feeling. I can’t wait to see what 2015 has in store for me.