I have never been so ready for a year to end and a new one to begin. Although this has probably been the best year of my life, I can only imagine what 2015 will bring. I feel that this year will be different, that everything will just pull itself together. I have realized over the past several months that there are things in life you cannot change and rather than dwell on that fact, just accept it and move on. There is no need for extra anxiety in life, especially mine. Learning to let things go has been tough for me since I tend to over analyze everything but doing it has been very refreshing.
I’ve had the best support I could ever ask for as well this year and I’m excited to keep those relationships intact for 2015. Last night Jese and I talked about how we used to be cold. Maybe not cold per say, but guarded because society sucks and sometimes you have to be a little tough to deal with the shit life throws at you. I think over the years though that you can be guarded but kind. Just because someone has hurt you or wronged you doesn’t mean you have to be an ass to everyone else. My horoscope told me that if I continue to be kind to others and express myself through genuine emotions that good karma will come my way and I believe it. There are many days where I want to punch the crap out of people or run someone off the road because they are driving like an idiot, but I always try to treat people kindly because that is how I would like to be treated. I know I’m naive when it comes to relationships both personal and professional because I still value the golden rule while many people don’t. I go out of my way very often to make people feel valued and appreciated and usually I don’t get the same in return and I’ve come to the conclusion that at the end of the day I’m still the better person and at some point in my life I will get a shit ton of good karma back my way.
Going forward into the new year I want to really reevaluate what makes me happy, am I doing everything possible to get the best experiences out of life, and if not, how can I improve that? I don’t want to waste time on this Earth because we never know when our last moment will be. Reflecting on my life thus far I’ve done some incredible things but I’ve also wasted a lot of time on people and things that have negatively impacted my life, which I will no longer do. It is hard to cut ties with people, especially if you care greatly for them. I make excuses for the negative people in my life, I try my hardest to convince myself that they are not bad for my mentality and that I am happy when in reality, I’m not. I’m filled with anxiety and doubt and I hate that. I hate that I let relationships in my life do that. I would like to make a pact that in the new year I won’t let people walk all over me but, it is very unlikely. I tend to let individuals do it until a point where I literally lose my head and all the anguish I had bottled up gets dished out all at once, therefore creating an enormous confrontation that could have been properly handled if I just expressed how I felt rather than bottling it up inside. So, going into the new year I want to strive to not let other people impact my choices in life and my feelings. I should never let anyone hold me back in life especially myself.