I spent the majority of my teenage years trying to fill this unknown void that was always present but never understood. Reflecting back now I see that it stemmed from my years being bullied as an adolescent and therefore molding me into this insecure and mental headcase. It ruined relationships, friendships, and caused me to refrain from pushing myself further into my academics and trade in High School. You could even say that my first year in college mirrored that similar pattern and I was miserable and lost. Many events transpired the year of 2012 that lead me down a dark road that would then continue into 2013 for quite some time. I don’t think it was until this year that I finally realized who I am as an individual. Being on my own and digging through the cloud of darkness in my mind and finding the root of my issues has brought clarity that has been much needed. I see my life and myself in a different light. There are times where I do find myself stuck in my own mind, trying to decipher between anxiety and reality, but it’s not the same as it was before. When I get into my head like I do from time to time it isn’t because I am reflecting on that emptiness that I feel or the depression. It is just relationships, friendships, work, school, and life in general that get blown out of proportion and when that happens, I do what I can to ground myself back to that reality and it is refreshing. It is refreshing to be able to feel fulfilled because I dug past the surface and started to deal with the root of my void. Sure, I do feel lonely from time to time but who doesn’t? I’m just thankful that I’ve been able to do so. Not everyone with depression, anxiety, and ADD are as lucky as I am and I know that.
To feel fulfilled for the first time in God knows how long is so empowering. I know I blog about these thoughts a lot, but sometimes it just really blows my mind the transition I have made over the past year. I’m happy to close this chapter and start the new year with a fresh start.