Ringing in the New Year

I have never been so ready for a year to end and a new one to begin. Although this has probably been the best year of my life, I can only imagine what 2015 will bring. I feel that this year will be different, that everything will just pull itself together. I have realized over the past several months that there are things in life you cannot change and rather than dwell on that fact, just accept it and move on. There is no need for extra anxiety in life, especially mine. Learning to let things go has been tough for me since I tend to over analyze everything but doing it has been very refreshing.

I’ve had the best support I could ever ask for as well this year and I’m excited to keep those relationships intact for 2015. Last night Jese and I talked about how we used to be cold. Maybe not cold per say, but guarded because society sucks and sometimes you have to be a little tough to deal with the shit life throws at you. I think over the years though that you can be guarded but kind. Just because someone has hurt you or wronged you doesn’t mean you have to be an ass to everyone else. My horoscope told me that if I continue to be kind to others and express myself through genuine emotions that good karma will come my way and I believe it. There are many days where I want to punch the crap out of people or run someone off the road because they are driving like an idiot, but I always try to treat people kindly because that is how I would like to be treated. I know I’m naive when it comes to relationships both personal and professional because I still value the golden rule while many people don’t. I go out of my way very often to make people feel valued and appreciated and usually I don’t get the same in return and I’ve come to the conclusion that at the end of the day I’m still the better person and at some point in my life I will get a shit ton of good karma back my way.

Going forward into the new year I want to really reevaluate what makes me happy, am I doing everything possible to get the best experiences out of life, and if not, how can I improve that? I don’t want to waste time on this Earth because we never know when our last moment will be. Reflecting on my life thus far I’ve done some incredible things but I’ve also wasted a lot of time on people and things that have negatively impacted my life, which I will no longer do. It is hard to cut ties with people, especially if you care greatly for them. I make excuses for the negative people in my life, I try my hardest to convince myself that they are not bad for my mentality and that I am happy when in reality, I’m not. I’m filled with anxiety and doubt and I hate that. I hate that I let relationships in my life do that. I would like to make a pact that in the new year I won’t let people walk all over me but, it is very unlikely. I tend to let individuals do it until a point where I literally lose my head and all the anguish I had bottled up gets dished out all at once, therefore creating an enormous confrontation that could have been properly handled if I just expressed how I felt rather than bottling it up inside. So, going into the new year I want to strive to not let other people impact my choices in life and my feelings. I should never let anyone hold me back in life especially myself.

Jess goes gluten free: days 5, 6, 7, and 8.

I’ve been slacking hardcore everyone! I knew that recording each day on my gluten free change would be challenging and needless to say I’ve been lazy. Well, lets recap, on day five I went out with friends to a local Mexican restaurant and indulged in margaritas and corn chips. At one point a friend of mine wanted to split a quesadilla and I believed it to be corn not flour well, it was flour and I ended up with severe stomach pains and well…you can put together the rest. But since that indiscretion I’ve continuously been on point with avoiding all things gluten and feel good thus far. On day six I spent my Sunday in bed because I felt so crappy after Saturday night’s festivities and yesterday was the Monday from hell and today has been a pretty steady day so far and I’ve already meal planned my whole day to ensure success! Also I’ve definitely been slacking when it comes to the gym but I’ll be going back today because I’ve been doing so good lately that I’m not willing to give it up!

I’ve gotten some questions as to how my workouts have been since going gluten free. Well, so far so good! I don’t see much of a difference yet because like many people say it takes about a month to see a true change when going gluten free. It has been a challenge for sure since gluten free foods are much more expensive and no one else in my house eats gluten free. But, I’ve been making the best of what I have and I’m pretty proud of myself that I’ve stuck to this for a week now. Sure, it might just be a week but it is only the beginning. I can’t wait till New Years is over and I can establish a solid schedule again. I plan on not really drinking tomorrow because lately I’ve been doing a bit too much of that and I’m trying to cut back on all the toxins I’m putting into my body. I’m pretty worried that some select few will see me as a wet blanket but, I guess if that is the case they are not meant to be in my life because those who are will support my choices. I care too much of what people think and that is going to change come the New Year.

Going gluten free has definitely brought up some challenges but I’m pretty stoked of my willpower thus far. Especially when it comes to snacking, I love food and junk but I’ve been sticking to my gluten free organic snacks and trying to make sure I don’t go overboard. This journey will be one with many obstacles but I will overcome them all.

To feel fulfilled

I spent the majority of my teenage years trying to fill this unknown void that was always present but never understood. Reflecting back now I see that it stemmed from my years being bullied as an adolescent and therefore molding me into this insecure and mental headcase. It ruined relationships, friendships, and caused me to refrain from pushing myself further into my academics and trade in High School. You could even say that my first year in college mirrored that similar pattern and I was miserable and lost. Many events transpired the year of 2012 that lead me down a dark road that would then continue into 2013 for quite some time. I don’t think it was until this year that I finally realized who I am as an individual. Being on my own and digging through the cloud of darkness in my mind and finding the root of my issues has brought clarity that has been much needed. I see my life and myself in a different light. There are times where I do find myself stuck in my own mind, trying to decipher between anxiety and reality, but it’s not the same as it was before. When I get into my head like I do from time to time it isn’t because I am reflecting on that emptiness that I feel or the depression. It is just relationships, friendships, work, school, and life in general that get blown out of proportion and when that happens, I do what I can to ground myself back to that reality and it is refreshing. It is refreshing to be able to feel fulfilled because I dug past the surface and started to deal with the root of my void. Sure, I do feel lonely from time to time but who doesn’t? I’m just thankful that I’ve been able to do so. Not everyone with depression, anxiety, and ADD are as lucky as I am and I know that.

To feel fulfilled for the first time in God knows how long is so empowering. I know I blog about these thoughts a lot, but sometimes it just really blows my mind the transition I have made over the past year. I’m happy to close this chapter and start the new year with a fresh start.

Jess goes gluten free: day 4

Hello readers,

Today is my fourth day on gluten free and since Monday I’ve lost three pounds! Yesterday was the holiday and yet again I stayed right on track and stuck with meat, potatoes, and vegetables. It feels good to clean my body out and to replenish it with good foods. I’ve noticed too that since going gluten free I am not eating as much junk, if any, and I’m consuming much more fruits and vegetables. This morning I meal planned after I ate breakfast (gluten free waffles!) by making a baby spinach salad with gluten free chicken tender strips, tortilla strips, and Annie’s lite Goddess dressing, along with a gluten free cookie because who doesn’t love cookies?

I’m still logging my food in my fitness pal because even gluten free junk food doesn’t mean they are freebies to just eat as many as I want. I still want to stay mindful because I still have goals that I want to reach. I’m hopeful to meet my goal of fitting into my size 4 jeans by March, possibly even hit my goal weight of 125lbs. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t truly care how much I weigh because at the gym I lift weights and am building muscle so, if I weigh 130-135lbs but am primarily muscle that is definitely okay with me. I miss wearing my size fours though, or at least feeling comfortable in my smaller clothes. For a long time I let myself pack on the pounds and became depressed because of it. I’m not a big person, I am about 5’1 maybe a little shorter, so being 155lbs is a lot on a little body such as mine. I’ve been here before too, I’ve let weight creep on me and then restricted and punished myself till I lost the weight again, but this time around it is much different.

Rather than being angry with myself I have accepted that life happens and the only thing that will make it change is if I work hard and reward myself along the way. So, when I lost my first five pounds I got my nails done, when I lose ten maybe I’ll get a pedicure or something. I’m doing this the healthy and positive way, I will not restrict myself (unless it has gluten obviously) and I will continue to persevere because no one is going to lose this weight for me. I am so motivated and confident in what my body can accomplish. Also, this time around I am much more educated on nutrition and fitness which I think is extremely beneficial because I know what I need to fuel my body to get a proper workout in and how to prevent injury in the gym.

I’m happy. Sure, I’m not always but when it comes to this particular aspect in my life I am truly happy and pleased with my progress thus far. Thank you to all of you who have been so supportive and commenting on my posts, it truly means so much. Happy Friday everyone!

Jess goes gluten: day 3 Merry Christmas!

The beginning of my day was incredible. I got to spend my morning with my amazing family. My mom cooked a gluten free breakfast and I got some awesome gifts for my photography like a lighting kit and a photoshop book that I am so stoked for! The fact that my family supports and loves what I do means so much to me words cannot describe.

I logged my breakfast into my fitness pal today and saw that my fat intake is already high due to the corned beef hash which is literally one of my favorite breakfast foods so, I’m planning the rest of my day accordingly. Just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean I need to gain ten pounds.

Last night at my grandmother’s house was a success, I ate some meat and salad and instead of caving and eating a cookie I had some grapes and I woke up not bloated and feeling sort of light I guess you could say and I’m really proud of myself for sticking to my gluten free diet.

Christmas time is such a magical time of the year and I’m sad to see it go back to just regular winter time. Being able to spend time like this with my family makes me so happy. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Jess goes gluten free: day 2

Merry Christmas Eve readers!

Today is day two of me being without gluten in my diet. I went back to the grocery store and picked up a few more things like fruits and veggies along with some gluten free snacks. I’ve been feeling pretty good so far I guess, I know that it takes at least a month for gluten to leave your body. I can’t get over how expensive gluten free crap is. I was looking at pizzas because pizza is my favorite food ever and they were literally $8-$12, like damn, I’m not going to pay THAT for a damn pizza. I think what I’m going to do when I have a free chunk of time I’m going to make a gluten free cookbook of simple and healthy recipes I can do that are tasty and obviously beneficial to my health.

Tonight I will be going to my grandmother’s house and I’m a little nervous about the food and whether or not I’ll be able to eat anything but I’m sure I can make something work. I’ve been eating throughout the day so if there isn’t a whole lot I can eat at least I won’t be starving. I made these AWESOME gluten free french fries with garlic powder and a bit of salt and dang, those were so delicious even more so than McDonalds and I love me some Mickey-Ds. I also went out to breakfast with my friend Jesenia and asked the waitress if their hash and home fries were gluten free and they were, score! I’m hopeful that I’m not going to become discouraged and go back to eating gluten. If making this change truly helps me I would be a fool not to at least give it a try for awhile to know for sure.

I’m really excitied to see where this goes and if it really helps witth my mental and physical health. I see bright things for 2015, I see a healthy and happy life filled with positivity.

Jess goes gluten free: day 1

So, I’ve decided to give this whole gluten free thing a try. The past year or so I’ve realized that I am constantly tired, my stomach has been acting up with everything that I eat, and as you all know my anxiety has just been beating me senseless lately. Having a gluten free diet is supposed to help the ailments that I have been experiencing, along with this strange rash and dry skin that I’ve been getting all over my body. I decided that I’m going to document my progress day by day to monitor how I am feeling emotionally, physically, and how I’m doing in terms of not eating pizza, bread, and chips. I’m definitely hitting the grocery store on my way home later to get some snacks and gluten free noms so I’m prepared to face this head on.

I guess I’m more worried about going out to eat and having to be that person who asks the server a million questions about their food and how it is prepared, I hate being that person. But, I guess you gotta do watcha gotta do right? I’m glad I have supportive people in my life though, my mom definitely number one she always has my back. My good friend Jesenia told me that if we went out to eat she would eat gluten free with me too so I wouldn’t have to look at all the delicious food I can’t eat which although I would NEVER let her do that, it is the thought that counts and I am so very grateful. I feel like with a good support team and staying on track of meal planning and what not I can definitely do this. I just need to remind myself of why I’m doing it in the first place. I literally would try anything to get a hold on my mental health and physical health again and I’m really hopeful that this will work.