I’m happy, not fake happy, but really happy. I’ve taken on a lot the last few months such as my job, going to school full time, and trying to balance it all has been tough but I am thankful. Sure, Monday-Friday I am spending half my day driving, in class, or at work, but at the end of the day I am thankful. I know that there are many people out there who do not have a job, can’t afford to go to school, or have no one to support them and I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have all of those things. The people in my life are incredible, my family for instance are always so supportive, last night I was working on a painting for my class and I was in the middle of mentally beating myself up about the fact that my cup looked more like a cylinder or candle, when my Dad came in and said, “Wow, would you look at that!” it warmed my heart to know that my Dad was proud of me. After he left I continued my painting, having my door open I heard my mom shutting the lights off downstairs, tidying up whatever mess I or my brother left in the kitchen, and was heading up the stairs when she popped her head in too, shocked she said, “You didn’t paint this! This is beautiful Jessica Margaret!”, in that moment, knowing that both of my parents were so proud of this painting that I was really beating myself up about made me realize that I do have talent. Sure, there are plenty of other artists in my class, or in this world that have much more experience and skill than I do but that is it, I am still learning, and gaining that experience, “You can’t judge your beginning by somebody else’s middle” and that saying speaks volumes to me as I tend to write off my paintings as inadequate, when in reality they are, they are more than adequate because everyone does things differently whether it is painting, photography, writing, or what have you, no two people and their skills are exactly the same.
I think my anxiety greatly contributes to the fact that I belittle my achievements and talents, and almost tell myself that I’m not worthy of being gifted. Through some self searching though, I’ve realized that I am in fact worthy, that I am talented and can offer a lot to this world whether it is through my artistic flare, communication skills, or something that I have yet to discover about myself, but all in all, I am proud to say that I am Jessica Palmer, that I have two incredible parents, a loving brother, amazing friends, and great co workers, what else could I ask for? This world has given me so many things to be grateful for and I vow to myself and to the followers of my blog that I am going to remind myself everyday just how beautiful life is and that through my ups and downs I will continue to remind myself that what I have to offer is great, and that I am worth it.