I feel like life is one big roller coaster, sometimes were climbing up, anticipating what’s to come next, then flying back downward suddenly, and sometimes the bumps can be more intense than the ride before and how we handle it is what creates the outcome of the second ride, if that makes sense?
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly up and down, letting small things get in the way of my positivity, and expecting the worst when I should be looking up, allowing fate to take it’s course and that someday it will all make sense and lately it has been. Reflecting on past actions and feelings have really opened a lot in my mind in terms of moving forward on how to better my relationships with people. I know I can be manipulative, selfish, and defensive, this isn’t news to me, but realizing how to all plays into my life really shook me, in a good way though, I realized a lot, how my actions were stemmed from another time in my life, a time that I had no control in some matters, therefore leading me to be a controlling person even subconsciously. I know I have anxiety about what people think of me, or going to social gatherings I can sometimes have a panic attack, and I’ve done a lot in terms of holding myself back from experiencing life and I didn’t even realize that I was doing it, I didn’t realize how my anxiety and inner issues were changing how I was with my friends, family, and significant other and it took me awhile to realize it all and I’m in a good place to make a change, I’ve been changing for the better this entire summer and I’m proud of myself for that. I am grateful that I get another chance to make things right, even if they end up being different than I want them to be, at least I know that I’ve made peace with myself and those important to me.
When I say fate is funny, I mean that it literally takes you by surprise, one day you are this person, and the next you’re someone else and it can be frightening, exciting, and enlightening all at the same time. Although I am scared for what is to come, I am anticipating good things to come along whether they are what I expect, or not.