Literally, I’ve been asking myself that question all day. I don’t want to drive, I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to go to the gym, I don’t want to edit my photos, I literally don’t want to do anything because I’m in one of THOSE slumps. Why? I couldn’t tell you. I just feel like I have no air in my lungs and that I’m struggling to breathe, like a panic attack but strung out, and toying with me. My claustrophobia is awful, I just feel like my anxiety is suffocating me, I can’t get away from this feeling.
I’m running down a dark hallway, it seems as if it will never end. Behind me, there is a cloud of darkness chasing me, getting closer with each step I take. I reach the end and there is nowhere for me to turn, I can’t escape, I am helpless. The black cloud envelopes me, almost embracing me but instead of feeling comfort, I am overwhelmed by emotion: sadness, anxiety, and restriction, I can’t move. I feel this heat, almost as if it is breathing down my neck, sending chills up my spine, letting me know that I can’t release it’s grasp. I feel it wrap around my heart, squeezing, as if it was a stress ball, the air in my lungs is slowly decreasing, I can’t catch my breath, and I start to slowly fall to the ground. As I look up at the ceiling, the darkness covers me like a blanket, pinning me down to the ground, sucking any piece of life out of me, I close my eyes, I feel no peace, I feel no air in my lungs, I drift away with the darkness.
A small piece of free write I guess, just sort of came to me, this is definitely a great way to explain how I’m feeling and how I see my anxiety and depression, how it weighs down on me so. I just feel as if I can’t escape it sometimes, like it’ll always be there, taunting me, knowing it’ll always have some sort of control over me, and I despise it.