Today I am picturing myself near the ocean, preferably Huntington Beach, California. I someday want to live on the West Coast, maybe not forever, but at least for a period of time, Mom would kill me, I think leaving home is something I worry greatly about, when I think about leaving my Mom and Dad and Brother behind it doesn’t really frighten me because I’m worried about myself, but more so them. When I left for Italy for three weeks it was strange being on my own at first, but after a few days, I loved it. Having my own place, going to school, and just being there with my own apartment really put things in perspective for me. I have ideas on how to get out to the west coast to start, but I’m afraid to leave my family behind, I feel that at first it would be hard for me and for them but after some time I would adjust but, I don’t know if they would.
Sometimes I blame them for my anxiety in terms of being on my own and having to do things by myself because they’ve always helped me, guided me, and did everything for the past twenty, almost twenty-one years of my life. My family and I are very attached to each other, so much that I fear that if I left, it would shift the family too much, it might break them. First things first, I need to visit out there first and get a feel for it and see if I could make it work and from there, create a plan of attack.
I feel like there is this big world I need to explore and see. Now that I’ve started my traveling I want more, I need more. I can’t stand idly while my life passes me by, ya dig?