Today I am picturing myself near the ocean, preferably Huntington Beach, California. I someday want to live on the West Coast, maybe not forever, but at least for a period of time, Mom would kill me, I think leaving home is something I worry greatly about, when I think about leaving my Mom and Dad and Brother behind it doesn’t really frighten me because I’m worried about myself, but more so them. When I left for Italy for three weeks it was strange being on my own at first, but after a few days, I loved it. Having my own place, going to school, and just being there with my own apartment really put things in perspective for me. I have ideas on how to get out to the west coast to start, but I’m afraid to leave my family behind, I feel that at first it would be hard for me and for them but after some time I would adjust but, I don’t know if they would.

Sometimes I blame them for my anxiety in terms of being on my own and having to do things by myself because they’ve always helped me, guided me, and did everything for the past twenty, almost twenty-one years of my life. My family and I are very attached to each other, so much that I fear that if I left, it would shift the family too much, it might break them. First things first, I need to visit out there first and get a feel for it and see if I could make it work and from there, create a plan of attack.

I feel like there is this big world I need to explore and see. Now that I’ve started my traveling I want more, I need more. I can’t stand idly while my life passes me by, ya dig? 


2 thoughts on “

  1. You are an amazing young woman. Your happiness and safety are my priorities…they always have been…always will be. But you can’t worry about leaving your family and moving away someday, if that’s what you decide to do. You have to go where ever your heart belongs…CA, TX, AZ, CT, NY or even Italy. Holding yourself back because your concerned about how everyone else might feel would only be doing a great disservice to your soul. I’ve been a “caged bird” all of my life, regrets I never realized existed until now. I never want to be the type of patent that holds you back, the one that clips your wings and keeps you caged because of my own fears and insecurities.

    Be who you are and do so without apologies and regret. I’ve loved you since the second I knew you were conceived and no matter where you go, or what you do, that will never change.

    Do your “thang”, J-Mags…do what makes you happy…because whatever brings you happiness will surely do the same for me. I love you.

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