The last few nights I’ve had a lot on my mind, I can’t fall asleep and my mind is racing. I have so many emotions that have come up and it is mentally weighing me down, I’m trying to grab hold to the happiness I’ve discovered and continue to be positive but everyone is entitled to a bad day right?
My heart is beating, there is air in my lungs, and I’m alive, I should be grateful and I am, for the most part. I just wish I could have a day that I could just turn off my emotions, forget about the world for a day and regroup in a more positive manner. Sometimes I feel like I am at a dead end and have nowhere to turn, but then, there is something that always takes me by surprise.
I don’t like feeling like I need a reset button or a get out of your head free card for a day, it’s just…sometimes I get scared that I will go back to that person who started this blog, back to the person who hated life, emotion, and themselves. I don’t EVER want to go back because If I go back…I’m afraid I’ll never leave that dark, scary, hopeless place again. I like to think that I won’t because in actuality, I am a different person than who I was before, I am more positive and bright but, my depression does come back around every now and again and toys with me, it toys with my emotions and leaves me questioning every feeling I have and why I am here in this crazy life, although I know and have realized that at some point in time I will figure out what I am meant to do, my anxiety likes to remind me of the fear of the unknown. However, I’ve embraced that unknown, I am much stronger now than I was two years ago and I can fight through any obstacle my mind or life puts in place. It might be difficult right now, but through hard work and positivity, I know I can overcome this, it is just a matter of time, right?