Today I went through some of my old posts and realized I am such a different person. I read a post about how empty, lonely, and unhappy I felt, and I look at myself now and wow..have I changed or what? During that time I REALLY struggled with my eating disorder and my own demons. I didn’t know how to be loved or be in a serious relationship because I couldn’t open myself up. Almost a year later and I’m the happiest I’ve been. I’m working on myself physically and mentally, I have the greatest relationship with the greatest woman I know, I have some awesome friends, and things in life are just falling into place.
The past week or so it has been tough but instead of really letting it change me and my mindset, I’m just accepting things and moving on because I have SO many things to look forward to such as finishing my Whole30, starting a new job hopefully, GOING TO ITALY, and just having a great summer! I’m really blessed to have my girlfriend Lexi though, she has just been with me every step of the way and has truly guided me through some dark spots in my life. I am not only lucky to have her as my best friend, but my lover, I never thought I could be this happy with someone (sorry for the corniness!).
But all in all it is scary to know that at one time in my life I was in such a low place. I hated myself and I hated everyone who tried to love me, I mean, not literally hated them but I pushed them so far away because I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions I had inside. I am a much more positive person now and I love that, I love that I try to find the good in things. Sure, I can have bad days and sure, I can hate the world and myself but instead, I don’t dwell in it. I accept it and move on and think of something positive, finding a “bright side” has never been my strong suit but I guess now you could say I’m almost like Hey Arnold! He always tried to find a bright side and so do I it seems now.
Life is goes on whether we like it or not, we can’t always control the things in our lives and it has taken me a long time to realize that. Since starting the Whole30 I’ve been dealing with like sugar and processed food withdrawals and each time the wave hits me, I panic and just want to stuff my face with chips but I don’t let my BED win, I don’t let the cravings win, instead I put a positive spin on it and eat some carrot sticks. I think, “I’m going to look and feel damn good after this Whole30” or, “I’m going to be so knowledgeable about this Whole30 thing I can’t wait to be THAT success story!” I’m trying to be my own motivation and not compare myself to others. It is easy to do that, it is easy to look at someone and wish you had their hair, biceps, abs or whatever! Instead, I want to try to focus more on myself, more on my flaws and beautiful traits. I know this is all so cliche, but in life we have to be happy because that is all we have!