This too shall pass

We all know that life tends to throw unfortunate plot twists into our lives. When we are most happy, something is bound to go wrong at some point to screw it all up right? Well, it is not the situation you have to focus on, but more or less how you deal with it. My life growing up was never a walk in the park. I dealt with being bullied, difficult relationships, my eating disorder, losing and gaining weight, losing a job, changing my major because I’ve been so unsure of my life, the list is endless.

Sure, I haven’t always dealt with my problems positively, hell, I never really have. The initial reaction to something unpleasant is usually panic, anger, or an ocean of tears. I allow myself to feel those things, those emotions, and let them over flow my mind and allow myself to feel that grief, but then I try to put myself together and really look at the bigger picture. So what If I gained fifteen pounds since June? Yes, it was my own fault and there is no one to blame but me. Yes it sucks, of course it sucks but complaining and crying about it isn’t going to make me feel better or help me lose the weight. What I had to do to realize that is pretty much give myself a pep talk, coach myself into knowing that with determination and willpower, I can achieve weight loss, I can achieve positivity and wellness. It is not going to be easy and some days I won’t want to do cardio or eat my greens and that is okay, as long as I keep going.

Dealing with difficult emotions can bring us down surely, but remember that there is always a silver lining and some positivity that will come out of your hardship. If you are dealing with an unpleasant time in your life, pull yourself together and give yourself that pep talk that you need to move forward because life will continue to move along, like a wave in the ocean.

Life is like a roller coaster

Hey all,

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a little. Lots of things have been happening like, my temp contract not getting renewed at work, Lexi is on vacation so this week I’m finishing up my last week at my job, writing a research paper on the Watergate Scandal, and doing a whole bunch of stuff before the end of the semester.

My diet hasn’t been too great. I mean, I’ve been slacking in terms of tracking, but recently I reflected back on the macros that Krissy Mae Cagney gave to me a few months ago (my weight hasn’t changed much so they are still the same) and also am starting her  “Intro to Weightlifting” program (I’ve had it for some time but haven’t started it), even though I know my way around the gym in terms of equiptment, exercises, and form knowledge, I just never know how to pair muscle groups together and all that technical hooplah.

I’m really excited because it is four days a week and I can add in my cardio anytime I wish to. I think I’m going to start doing cardio on the row machine to really burn some fat! Today I REALLY hit my macros (so far!) and I even got to eat one of my favorite things, a strawberry frosted donut! It is really awesome to read Krissy’s flexible dieting ebook because she really shows you that you don’t need to restrict yourself and look at food as the enemy, but more so being mindful of everything you put into your body. I’ve never been keen on moderation because with my BED I never knew what that was, but hopefully I can train myself to love all food, keep it in moderation, and still implement healthier foods and exercise!

Keeping motivation and being dilligent is so hard, especially when you deal with an eating disorder barking at you all the time. I WILL survive, I always have, but I will beat ED, I will beat the voice in my head that is my eating disorder and I will show it whose the boss.

Motivation 101

Lately I’ve been on the motivation roller coaster that we all know too well. One day we are motivated to the point where we never think it will end and other days we are so down we believe there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I used to be that person who would stand in front of the mirror and cry because I was so unhappy with my appearance. Depression, my binge eating disorder, and my mood disorder used to control my self esteem and for forever it seemed that I would always hate how I looked and who I was.

Recently I had that sort of episode, I had a pity party for one and just cried because I said to myself, “I can’t believe I gained this weight, I can’t believe how I threw away all my progress…etc.” I was so upset and beside myself that I stuffed my face with food because that is all I knew. So, yes, I relapsed in reference to my binge eating disorder but I have risen from that. Although I haven’t binged since, I have been making very poor food choices and very minimal exercise.

My motivation now is my trip to Italy. I mean, that is what is was before but to be honest in my mind I was telling myself, “YOU NEED TO LOSE THIRTY POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS FOR YOUR TRIP LETS GO!” Even though I was “motivated” I was setting goals way too out of reach for myself. I want to lose weight before I go yes, but I don’t want to set unrealistic goals. If I lose ten, fifteen, twenty pounds, that is awesome but I am not telling myself that I HAVE to lose that weight. But I am telling myself now that I am GOING to lose weight, I am GOING to lose THAT weight in time. I do not intend on staying at my current weight which is about 153-155lbs. I haven’t weighed myself in a week because I know that I’ve been sloppy with my food choices but, I know that I need to do this for me. I need to lose this weight for not only my mentality but also for my health.

So here are my tips for myself and others to keep on track:

1) CLEAN YOUR ROOM! I know this is silly but if your room is clean and organized, you are in a better mindset a more positive one. After I write this post I am going to clean my room from top to bottom!

2) Don’t eat in front of the TV. This is so hard for me because that is all I do, but if you refrain from doing that you won’t be mindlessly eating and you will eat your portion not any more.

3) Track what you are eating whether it is with MyFitnessPal, FatSecret, or a journal, you should hold yourself accountable with what is going into your body and what exercise you are doing.

4) Exercise at least three days a week whether it is cardio, lifting weights, or walking your dog. Find something that is challenging, fun, and will torch calories! I like to checking out Self Magazine and Women’s Health Magazine’s websites, you can find SO many resources!

5) Don’t deprive yourself, if you love sweets, find something sweeter that can substitute your non healthy sweet!

 

Friend me on MyFitnessPal if you want and check out my food diary it is public (Username: PalmTreex) and I am on there every day posting, putting in my food, and being active on the community because that leads me to the sixth tip:

6) If you are on a social media type of weight loss community (i.e. MyFitnessPal) get involved on the message boards, make friends, and join the groups on there for motivation and guidance if you are new to losing weight! You can also have your own blog on there!

You can do anything you put your mind to, we all know that but it is easier said then done but we can do this!

 

Less then 2 months till Italy!

In the midst of changing my job and finishing the semester, the countdown to Italy is now less then two months away. It is crazy to think that about a year ago I contacted Marcy interested in going, never really thinking it was going to go anywhere, but now I’m going to be embarking on a trip of a lifetime. Three weeks exploring Florence, Italy and other surrounding areas. Being in the Tuscany region of Italy is a dream come true for me. I remember watching Under the Tuscan Sun starring Diane Lane a few years ago and thinking, “Wow, Italy is so beautiful, especially Tuscany, I would love to go there!” Look at me now! I’m going to live out my dream of being Diane Lane! Just kidding, not so much the Diane Lane part but still exploring the most beautiful part of Italy!

Of course my anxiety is going through the roof, I’m thinking of losing weight (obviously), what I’ll bring, what I don’t have, what my apartment will look like, who I’ll room with in terms of the two other girls from another school in the U.S., and what I’ll do in my spare time! It is all so overwhelming but exciting, I’m finally breaking out of my shell it seems and really putting myself to the test this June because I’ll be living on my own, cooking for myself, and living an independent life sort of. I thank my parents for financially helping me to go on this trip of a lifetime because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be going. Lexi has helped me mentally as well, we’ve talked about how careful I have to be in terms of when I go out and the people I walk to and what necessities I will bring. She has also eased my mind too, I was worried about communication because Italy is six hours ahead of the United States but shes assured me that no matter what time or place we will talk. I know I’ll be home sick, that is just the kind of person I am, but I also know I’m going to be busy and learning so much!

I wish it was already June 7, but I know that when my parents drop me off it is going to be filled with tears, hugs, and kisses. I’m so thankful and blessed to have these beautiful people in my life, and I’m also thankful and grateful to be able to go on this trip.

The Paleo Diet

The Memoirs of a Yo-Yo Dieter

Just this year, I was introduced to the Paleo Diet by a good friend. In addition to losing weight, she had noticed substantial improvement in her natural energy, her skin was clearing, and her hair and nails were growing healthier.

For those unfamiliar with the Paleo diet, it basically consists of eating the same diet that our Paleolithic ancestors followed. Lean grass-fed [free range] meats, organic fresh vegetables, fruits with their skin, and nuts. There is a bit of disagreement and contradiction regarding dairy, but most diet forums I’ve read recommend the total avoidance of milk and milk products, whereas some advocate dairy in its raw, unprocessed form.

In addition to dairy, the diet also prohibits the ingestion of grains [goodbye, whole wheat bread, pasta, rice, and corn!] as well as peanuts and other forms of legumes. Oh, and no soy.

No soy? But that’s in everything.

Yes. Soy is…

View original post 386 more words

Whole30 failure, not really a failure but a realization.

Hey all,

As you all know I’ve been doing the Whole30 this past week. I failed miserably but I do not look at myself as a failure or that I failed. It was a trial with some error and I just figured out that Paleo wasn’t for me. Figuring out what works best for you takes time, sure, I’m a little dissappointed because I’ve heard of great results from it but, I’m not going to put all of my eggs in one basket. Howevever, in my opinon when it comes to losing weight, you need to keep track of what you eat. I am not a fan of counting calories but I am a somewhat fan of counting macronutrients (carbohydrates, protein, and fat).

For awhile I was against counting anything, probably because I wasn’t educated much on it. However, I’ve been reading and learning and I knew that for me anyway I have to count SOMETHING in order to keep myself and eating in check. I knew that calories was out of the question primarily because it can be obsessive, especially for someone who has an eating disorder. For weight loss or fat loss, your protein should NOT be 1g per body weight! That is typically used for bulking or maintaing. For weight loss/fat loss it should be .8g per body weight so for me, (I am not a registered dietician or fitness professional, this information is from my own research and knowledge) I’m 153lbs my protein intake should be 120g per day. I get this through lean meats, protein powders, peanut butter in moderation, and light cheese sticks which also help with my fat intake.

On a reflective note, because I felt restricted and out of control (not like WOAHHHH out of control but like, I couldn’t choose what I wanted to eat or, I couldn’t eat a light cheese stick or a rice cake if I wanted because it was a grain or dairy) but anyways, I threw my hands up the other night at Friendly’s because I was hungry, just got out of a workout, and felt restricted so I got loaded waffles fries, mini cheesebruger sliders, mozzarella sticks, (create your own munchie mania always gets me, damn you Friendly’s Resturants!), and a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Friendz. It was all so delicious and it filled my belly but I paid for it and still am. So, I took a step back and restarted my Whole30, then yesterday I piged out on chocolate chips, peanut butter, and potato chips because I felt like I was restricting myself.

This is why I cannot follow meal plans, or strict guidelines or a fad diet. I need to be in charge of what goes in and out of my mouth because that creates triggering feelings in referene to my eating disorder if I don’t contrust my own meal plans and guidelines. Call me a control freak but making your own success makes it all worth it. I’m not ashamed that I didn’t finish the Whole30, I learned a lot in terms of good foods, bad foods, and everything in between. I take it as a learning experience and it just reassured me that a Paleo lifestyle isn’t for me and that is okay! I’m still going to train hard, eat good, and feel good because I know I’m doing what is best for me.

Looking Back…

Today I went through some of my old posts and realized I am such a different person. I read a post about how empty, lonely, and unhappy I felt, and I look at myself now and wow..have I changed or what? During that time I REALLY struggled with my eating disorder and my own demons. I didn’t know how to be loved or be in a serious relationship because I couldn’t open myself up. Almost a year later and I’m the happiest I’ve been. I’m working on myself physically and mentally, I have the greatest relationship with the greatest woman I know, I have some awesome friends, and things in life are just falling into place.

The past week or so it has been tough but instead of really letting it change me and my mindset, I’m just accepting things and moving on because I have SO many things to look forward to such as finishing my Whole30, starting a new job hopefully, GOING TO ITALY, and just having a great summer! I’m really blessed to have my girlfriend Lexi though, she has just been with me every step of the way and has truly guided me through some dark spots in my life. I am not only lucky to have her as my best friend, but my lover, I never thought I could be this happy with someone (sorry for the corniness!).

But all in all it is scary to know that at one time in my life I was in such a low place. I hated myself and I hated everyone who tried to love me, I mean, not literally hated them but I pushed them so far away because I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions I had inside. I am a much more positive person now and I love that, I love that I try to find the good in things. Sure, I can have bad days and sure, I can hate the world and myself but instead, I don’t dwell in it. I accept it and move on and think of something positive, finding a “bright side” has never been my strong suit but I guess now you could say I’m almost like Hey Arnold! He always tried to find a bright side and so do I it seems now.

Life is goes on whether we like it or not, we can’t always control the things in our lives and it has taken me a long time to realize that. Since starting the Whole30 I’ve been dealing with like sugar and processed food withdrawals and each time the wave hits me, I panic and just want to stuff my face with chips but I don’t let my BED win, I don’t let the cravings win, instead I put a positive spin on it and eat some carrot sticks. I think, “I’m going to look and feel damn good after this Whole30” or, “I’m going to be so knowledgeable about this Whole30 thing I can’t wait to be THAT success story!” I’m trying to be my own motivation and not compare myself to others. It is easy to do that, it is easy to look at someone and wish you had their hair, biceps, abs or whatever! Instead, I want to try to focus more on myself, more on my flaws and beautiful traits. I know this is all so cliche, but in life we have to be happy because that is all we have!