Biggest Binge In a Long Time…

I knew today I was going to binge. I knew it at work, I knew it when I was serving customers, I knew I was going to stop at a grocery store on my way home…and I did it.

I bought a whole package of Chips A’Hoy Chewy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies and a bag of Cheddar Ruffles…they are gone.

I feel physically sick and mentally sick. The fact that my binge episode was premeditated and the fact I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. It makes me sick…I feel like I’m going throw up everyone…it is a good thing I can’t make myself throw up because I’d be bulimic by now…

Sometimes I wish I had anorexia…even though I know I have anorexic tendencies…I just think it would be easier for me. I’d still be obsessed with food but I’d have the willpower to say no. However, I do not have the luxury. I always say “yes” to food..it is a CONSTANT battle. I’ll never win. I’ll forever be a slave to binge eating disorder. 

One week I’m on top of the world with healthy eating habits and healthy exercising habits but then it goes down the drain. I allow my binge eating disorder to destroy ALL of my good work. 

Tomorrow needs to be better. SOS.

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4 thoughts on “Biggest Binge In a Long Time…

  1. Jessica – It sounds like you have had such a difficult day. I am so so sorry. Life can be incredibly unpredictable and I, too, intimately know this self-control battle you’re talking about. Remember, we absolutely do become slaves to whatever we choose to obey. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a princess. And you deserve freedom :). I hope your night gets brighter!

    1. You are too kind A Princess in Process…it is so nice to know that someone takes the time to read what I write and truly process it. Thank you so much for your valuable time. Your words are very close to my heart and I truly appreciate them thank you again. ❤

  2. I often used to wish I had anorexia or bulimia as at least I’d have an eating disorder and still be thin but an eating disorder is an eating disorder. They all control you and have their pitfalls. When I became aware of my binge eating disorder I found it got worse before it started to get better, you are pre-planning and are completely aware of what you are about to do is wrong, but you are powerless to stop it. The day you binged – what had you eaten earlier in the day? Had you gone a long time without eating? My therapist says you can knock out 60% of binging with regular planned eating. Most of my binges are linked to my mood and emotion though, so I might binge even if I have eaten regularly. If you can try to identify what caused it (skipping a meal, a life event, a particular memory or emotion) that starts to make it easier to deal with binge episodes. I’ve been in recovery for over four months now and believe me, it gets worse before it gets better, but if you are determined you will find a way to beat this. Good luck!

  3. I can’t get myself to hit “like” on this post, only because I do not like that you had a bad day. I know we’ve talked about this before, but I suffer from the same binge-eating tendencies … only I tend to purge pretty substantially after the fact.

    Some facts to make you feel better:

    1.) Your body can only process so many calories in one sitting. Even though you feel you ate enough to gain weight, your body will likely dispose of 80% of those calories through your digestive track.

    2.) Each day starts fresh. If you focus on cleansing your body the next day through good, clean food and lots of water, you’ll likely see no ill effect from a binge.

    3.) You are beautiful.

    4.) You are worthy of love; giving love, being loved, and loving yourself.

    I hope today is a better day. 🙂

    Chin up, buttercup!

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