Throughout my life I’ve always been worried that people are judging me. Being bullied I was judged…my weight was judged…my hair was judged…me as a person was judged.
That was over five years ago and I’m almost twenty years old…I shouldn’t be worried what people think right? I shouldn’t assumed that people are looking at me in a negative light right? wrong.
Big parties or groups of people that I don’t know I tend to feel VERY over-whelmed and almost have a panic attack because I feel like I’m the “fat” girl or the “ugly” girl. But, when I’m with my own friends and in my comfort zone I am VERY confident and content. I feel as if I should impress everyone and anyone when in reality I shouldn’t care.
I wish I didn’t…but I do.
I am PETRIFIED of pretty girls and good looking guys because I feel as if they’ll look at me and bully me or judge me because that’s all I’ve ever know..I don’t know how to over come this. I know I should be more confident in who I am and what I have to offer but I feel as if it’s my body that I am ashamed of. I mean, I know I don’t look AWFUL in a bathing suit and I have nice features but I know that you see yourself differently than what other people see.
When I look in the mirror I typically see someone who needs to lose a couple extra pounds and someone who is unhealthy.
Then, people I know say I have such a fit body and how I look so awesome but I am still nervous and almost “ashamed”.
It is so sad that I feel this way and I wish I didn’t. I work on it every day and I know I’ll over come it just right now is not that time…